Amber. I’ll start there. When I logged into Facebook this morning, a notification of a turkey being thrown at me by none other than Miss Amber Dobies caught my attention. When we’d decided not to head North for the holiday, we’d also decided to open our home to those who had no family to spend the day with. With my parent’s encouragement, I gave Amber and her mom a call to invite them for dinner tomorrow. Amber’s excitement was not to be contained. Instead it bubbled over, clogged the phone lines and enveloped me in a happy sort of cheer. I spent the rest of the day walking on air, thrilled that I’d been able to bring pleasure to someone, planning how to make it special for them.
And cooking. Pretty much all day. It was almost a relief, after cooking rich desserts and creamy vegetables to toss together a pizza for supper.
After clean-up and showers, Josiah and I started talking—about relationships, proper and improper. I wrestle over these things, so often, and I know my practices are exclusive and strict, but I honestly believe I couldn’t survive with them any less strict. It’s so deeply ingrained in me—even stronger than Mom or Papa would enforce. I can’t even explain it, but it’s like it’s a natural thing that I just intuitively know I shouldn’t do certain things. Not that others can’t do them, but that I have been called to a path of complete purity, complete set-apartness. One of my greatest fears is that I would be a distraction from the Lord. I honestly can’t bear the thought.
And yet, I know, so often I do seek my own glory. So often I do seek praise, adoration and attention.
How can two such conflicting desires dwell in the same mind, heart and body?
Lord, I know what’s right inside
And yet, two wishes coincide:
The one, Thy greater glory, Lord,
The other, that I’d be adored.
The former I express in verbiage.
Listen to the aged adage:
Actions speak more truth than words.
I wonder which the world has heard?