Saturday, December 8, 2007

The smell of fresh bread is taking my senses by storm. It’s terribly hard to think logically and coherently when there is something as tantalizing as fresh bread tempting me to forget everything else and indulge.

Papa and Josiah fixed the wiring to my outlets, so after a few days without electricity in my room, I can flip a switch again and say, “Let there be light!”

But my heart is elsewhere. I called Caitydid a few minutes ago, just to chat. I know she’s been drifting her own way, turning a deaf ear to the Lord, and I honestly couldn’t help it. I just had to start asking questions. I can’t bear to see her caught in the lies of the enemy. I’ve shared with her before, but the Lord wouldn’t let me make small talk. I had to share again. It was like wringing out my soul to press her for answers, to hear her say she just couldn’t humble herself to repent, to know that she is making a choice that will separate her from me for eternity. Even more terrifying, that will separate her from God for eternity. Why are we so proud? Why do we seek to accomplish on our own what we know we can never succeed in, to the eternal torment of our souls? Why do we risk eternal regret to resist momentary humiliation? Lord God, I don’t understand! How do You reach the soul that is convicted of sin, but refuses forgiveness? What a terrible, miserable existence that must be, choked by the murderous fingers of pride. And yet, how often do I also turn my back on my God, the God I claim to serve, and tarry in the arms of pride, drinking deeply of self-love.

Lord, my tears, my bleeding heart

Can never even fill a part

Of all the agony Thou tasted.

Let not Thy precious gift be wasted!

Her decision, God on High,

Is hers alone to make, but I

Must let my thoughts and actions prove

That I am purchased by Thy love.

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