Somehow today feels as if it will burn up in the eternal fire more quickly than straw: completely useless. Nothing to show for it. Empty. Gone.
Why? I’ve felt slightly nauseous all day—anxious maybe? Perhaps I am attempting to ward off the attack of some nasty bug. It’s the same gut feeling I have when I’m worried about something, or being eaten up by guilt, but I can’t for sake of sanity and peace of mind figure out what could be eating me. Perhaps I am angry or resentful about this bumper?
Five o’clock came much too early this morning, and I didn’t get up to read my Bible. Instead I rolled over and dozed for another hour, until I had to drag myself out of bed to fix breakfast. I didn’t get very far in my reading later, either. All day I’ve seemed distracted and out of touch with the Lord. How can I go from hot to cold to hot so frequently and with such headlong impetuousness? It’s no wonder I feel sick.
Mulling over the discussion on spiritual gifts has also done another work in my heart and mind. Each new day I see new evidences of a strong tendency toward prophecy in myself—I’m so emotional, up and down, hot and cold, fiery and timid, and always harsh. No steadiness. No dependability. No predictability.
I don’t know what I need.
Yes, I do. I need Jesus. And a good, hard spanking for allowing myself to become distracted. And a period to put at the end of that round of foolishness.
Lord, I’ve reached a level place
Where I can gaze upon Thy face
And know without the smallest doubt
‘Tis Thou I cannot live without.
So with this truth before my eyes
Be Thou my only true supply
And fill me with Thy living water.
I am complete: Thy virgin daughter.