Monday, November 26, 2007

I finally made it back to the library today, realizing that I’d forgotten to ask the librarians to renew my books. I was spoiled back home, where they never even charged me fines. I carefully crafted and apologetic face, carried my stack of books into the front desk and explained. “You’re in luck,” the lovely lady laughed. “There are no fines for the next six months.”

Writing has found a back burner on which to sit and pout, though I’m trying to find time and effort to coax it back out into the daylight. It seems like I’m always writing about writing, writing to someone, or helping someone else write and never doing any myself. A young lady Ohio sent me a critique exchange request over SCBWI, and we’ve finally gotten started. I took a look at the query letter she sent me and was partially relieved and partially disappointed. She shows so much promise, but she’s got some fundamental issues. From only her query letter, I could find three big reasons an agent isn’t even asking for a partial, and at least three small reasons why they’d be wary of her. Somehow I need to get on the good side of one of my favorite authors and convince them to tutor me. I’m feeling stranded here, too, since leaving the Kansas region, and the Arkansas RA hasn’t responded yet to tell me what she needs me to do. Perhaps that is good. Perhaps it means I should buckle down and get back into gear with writing and mailing out stories and poems.

I read through First Corinthians and Galations this morning. It was an outstanding read. Afterwards, I promptly crawled into bed and slept for an hour and a half. This nasty congestion infection is leaving me constantly drained. Upon waking, I don’t believe I could remember a single word of what I’d read. I seem to be stuck in a spiritual rut, spinning, spinning, throwing up dirt in frustration, but not going forward. Positively, I don’t believe I’m going backward, either.

These days I simply seem to be overwhelmingly tired, instead of overwhelmingly conquering. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So, let’s discuss what the Lord has for me to learn through this. In all things give thanks, for this is His will for me. Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, rejoice! Be forbearing. Do everything without grumbling or complaining. Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him from a pure heart…and He will hear my voice.

Lord, I find myself struck ill.

Do I still resist Thy will?

Discontent to wait for Thee

To glorify Thyself in me

And in my weakness make me strong.

It is for this I wait so long.

For, truth be known, I’m weak through hating

Solitude and patient waiting.