Nathaniel took Nick out for supper, so Lauren and I had a date as well—on the other side of the restaurant. We were deep in a conversation when the boys finished, so Nathaniel took Nick back to campus and let us wind down. The openness of my sister-in-law has been amazingly beautiful and such an encouragement to me. Watching them has been one of the only things that has enabled me to embrace the idea of marriage. I wish with all my heart that every girl could have the same advantage as I—a loving, gentle older brother and a precious friend for a sister-in-law.
I’m not so sure if the awakening of my emotions has been altogether a good thing, tho. I told Jacinda it was like going through adolescence—a long time after everyone else. My body functions like a woman’s. I know why. But suddenly my mind and heart are beginning to betray me by functioning like a woman’s as well: longing for a home, and children…and a husband. I don’t know where to keep my heart anymore, to preserve it.
My emotions grow unruly
Deep the roots of something grown.
Lord, behold this plant unknown!
I have tried with all my power
To remove this weed-born flower
Only Thy truth’s edge can ever
This unholy bindweed sever.
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