Sunday, November 11, 2007

Newlyweds are awkward things to have around. Always cuddling, kissing, cooing, making a single person feel more single than a lonely contact lens or a forlorn, lost sock. Nathaniel and Lauren headed out tonight, after a great church meeting, Summit reunion and fun night at Taco Bell.

Nathaniel took Nick out for supper, so Lauren and I had a date as well—on the other side of the restaurant. We were deep in a conversation when the boys finished, so Nathaniel took Nick back to campus and let us wind down. The openness of my sister-in-law has been amazingly beautiful and such an encouragement to me. Watching them has been one of the only things that has enabled me to embrace the idea of marriage. I wish with all my heart that every girl could have the same advantage as I—a loving, gentle older brother and a precious friend for a sister-in-law.

I’m not so sure if the awakening of my emotions has been altogether a good thing, tho. I told Jacinda it was like going through adolescence—a long time after everyone else. My body functions like a woman’s. I know why. But suddenly my mind and heart are beginning to betray me by functioning like a woman’s as well: longing for a home, and children…and a husband. I don’t know where to keep my heart anymore, to preserve it.

Lord, my heart is aching truly

My emotions grow unruly

Deep the roots of something grown.

Lord, behold this plant unknown!

I have tried with all my power

To remove this weed-born flower

Only Thy truth’s edge can ever

This unholy bindweed sever.

No comments: