Thursday, October 25, 2007

I am now an official Arkansan. Or at least a licensed Arkansan. Linsdey says she needs to work with my on my accent yet, before I’m truly acceptable.

I can tell I’ve been hanging out with early education majors when a trip to Wal-Mart produces an important purchase like twistable crayons. Kiddie teachers or not, Emily and Lindsey know where to find good Bible highlighters.

We went out on the town today and Mom and I got our licenses, as well as my much longed-for paint. The rumors I’ve heard of spelunking in Leonard’s are true. That place is like the mazes of Greek mythology, but at least the workers are nice. As in, nicer than is necessary. The guy who mixed my paint for me gave us the contractors price—on one can of paint—which saved us about twenty-five percent. I can accept that as a gift from the Lord, though I certainly wouldn’t consider myself deserving of any gifts at the moment.

Lauryn and Emily allowed me to intrude upon their lunch date at Quizzno’s and I got to catch up with Lauryn and her prayer requests. “Those girls are precious” will probably be a most commonly used phrase in this journal, and I need to learn more creative ways to get across the same concept. “She makes my heart swell like a pregnant kitty.” Somehow, that’s just not cutting it.

Tonight I rediscovered a journal I began a year and a half ago about Josiah—or rather, my “Darling Brother”. That is to say, the brother I was trying to pretend I thought was darling. It brought me to tears as I read the sarcasm, satire and frustration that I poured out as I worried about whether he was saved, and tried to figure out why I couldn’t get along with him and how I could change things from my end. I only wish I’d kept it up. It would have been priceless to have documented the change in him. I wrote another note in it, this time to him, telling him how this journal was proof of the heart change in him. He was not the annoying, little boy I had written about. Praise God that person has died and been buried with Christ and a new man lives in his place.

The Lord gave me an extra nudge. When I logged into my facebook, courtesy of Emily’s computer, I was reminded of two of the people the Lord had laid on my heart yesterday. He’s answering my prayer to pester me about them. I feel so lost and helpless. All I know is that I want to do this thing for the Lord, and I want to see these girls brought to repentance and new life in Him, even as I’ve witnessed in myself and others. Why am I so timid?

Paul told Timothy to fan into flame his gift—apparently evangelism. And he said, “God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of POWER, LOVE and DISCIPLINE.” No one ever quotes that verse with the last two, but they really struck me. God’s given us His power to speak out in boldness. He’s also given us His love for the lost to speak out in boldness. And He’s given us His discipline—after all, we are His disciples. It’s not easy. It takes effort and practice—even for someone with the gift of evangelism, as Timothy had. But it’s something God’s given us, and we’d better be using it.

Lord, I’ve got the power inside

Which formed the moon to rule the tide.

I’ve got the love which sent Thy Son

To give His life for everyone.

I’ve got Thy holy discipline

Now freeing me from self and sin.

Why do I fear the broken soul

When Thou hast made my own heart whole?