Friday, February 15, 2008

Tonight I accomplished something of rare and immense proportions. I choked on a yawn. I spluttered helplessly for agonizing minutes before recovering and the best offer of help I received from my amused audience was a resounding thump on the back from Josiah.

With an energetic plop, Josh seated himself at the piano, demanding that I teach him to play “something beautiful.” Such a demand is quite beyond me, though I determined to give it my best. He’s a natural. With a little explanation I had him building chords and picking out scales. If I’m not mistaken I promised him regular lessons. One of these days my enthusiastic nature is going to get me in over my head. Oh wait. It already has. Most embarrassing is the fact that I must be one of the worst pianists out there. How am I supposed to teach what nobody ever taught me? My version of music theory is this: play whatever sounds good. If it doesn’t sound good, just keep trying until you find something that does. This is a perfect explanation for why all my songs sound the same: I found something that sounded good. Once.

Forward. Move forward. I’ve developed a mantra, as I climb back out of the valley into the heights. If I were asked, “How do you know God exists,” my jaw would drop to keep my feet company and my shock could power a factory. Those whom the Lord has carried can never doubt Him. At least not doubt His existence. I find I am still all to inclined to doubt His wisdom. Why’d He ever write the book of Numbers and place it in the Holy Canon, anyway? Why am I here, now, doing this? Move forward. Move forward. But right now, in my rush to be doing things, is it possible I’m missing something? Jesus bid His disciples watch and pray in the garden. They should have been savoring those last moments with Him. They should have been pouring out their hearts and souls to God to strengthen them for the hour to come, even as Jesus was doing. I’m in a terrible hurry to get on to the next thing. God knows best. I need the present to prepare me for the future.

Lord, Thy ways are always best
So if Thou bids me feed and rest
Then I will feed and rest and pray:
Enjoy Thy presence now—today.

Who knows what troubles may increase,
Or when again I’ll know such peace?
I’ll sit and listen at Thy feet,
And of this bread of life I’ll eat.

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